Since I was little I always dreamed of the day I married, had my own house and my children. The idea was more like the illusion of “playing to have a doll house”. Like me, I know that many women marry without clearly understanding the great responsibility that a marriage and a home entail. It seems, that the love we feel is a shield that will protect us from any situation, temptation and challenge. Many years later I can say that the feeling itself is not enough and that what we call love has little to do with that feeling of butterflies in the stomach that we felt when that boy was flirting with us.
Love within a marriage has more to do with commitment, faith, patience, tolerance, and kindness and above all with determination. The determination to continue with that person betting everything in spite of the differences. Even if he leaves the wet towel on the bed every day, even though you have repeated it a million times. The determination to do not give up when finance goes bad and your economic reality changes drastically. The determination to continue cuddling with the same tenderness even though you have increased 20 pounds. The determination to forgive when you have felt that you have been hurt or have not fulfilled the many unrealistic expectations that you had since your childhood. Decision to say every day: Yes, I choose you again even though you are now sick and you do not have the same energy to do the things that we enjoy doing together. The determination to stay by your side despite your bad mood, your insecurities, your frustrations, your failures, your fears.
Many couples today that faced difficulties; choose to separate because they allow this situation to be greater than their marriage project. Yes, I know, it is not easy and much less when you discover that, the person you chose has little to do with what you idealized when you were dating. To discover in the daily sharing, who really is that man you call my husband. That can be a hard blow if it is far from what you thought. Not easy my friends. Nevertheless, I assure you that if you give yourself the opportunity to remove the blindfold and day by day, you give yourself the chance to learn with tolerance and kindness who he is, you can be surprise, in a good way. If to this, you add the plus of giving yourself the permission to show him who you are and to create a good bond based on trust, transparency and respect both can give yourselves the opportunity to learn to enjoy each other.
There will be good days, others not so good and others very difficult. And where are the very good ones? These are the uncommon and the ephemeral. There will be, of course there will be very good ones. Those can come in the form of the birth of a child. A dream trip as a couple alone. A good tennis match where you sweat and laugh together. To enjoy a shared shower without one of your children beating the door. Receiving flowers on a Valentine’s Day after 15 years of marriage waiting for them. The day you buy your first home. When you see your child graduating. These and other moments created throughout your lives are extraordinary. Yes they are! Moreover, you have to know how to appreciate and value them as well as those lived every day at home, without glamor or makeup, with dark circles in your eyes, tired and with a million due earrings.
Being the one waking up at first with the sunrise, spend the morning when you are full of energy thinking about how you are going to devour your husband at night when at last they are alone in your room; and after the clock sentences midnight, you drag yourself to bed falling crushed. Just in that moment you feel that hand that caresses you and you think: Holly Molly, how in heaven I came to the idea of sending that message to my husband mid-morning saying that tonight “We are going to have fun, get ready to sweat”? Now you are exhausted and have your husband on, waiting for you and more than ready. Then you think two things: “Let me get out of this fast” or “Let me enjoy it but I let him do the entire job.” Yes, do not laugh; you know very well how that is. The interesting thing about this is that if we embrace our realities, we learn to celebrate our triumphs; we exercise the good humor, many times when we engage in this thing of “doing him the favor” we will enjoy and savor very good orgasm even with our tired body and a million due earrings.
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